I'm Working On It

Hi friends :)

It most certainly has been awhile…

But to go back to the usual formatting of these posts I am going to start out with three things I am thankful for:

Dear Jesus today I am Thankful for…

1. The fact that Gordon’s had the crispy chicken sandwich today!!!!! Allison and I have been looking forward to it all semester and they FINALLY had it.

2. Zoom. I know!! It’s crazy! Why on earth would I be thankful for Zoom? Well, as strange as it has been to adapt to online classes, I am thankful that Zoom (or BBC) allows me to see other college students that I would never see on a normal day. And I am very thankful that Zoom allows us to have a Wednesday Worship even if the Chapel building is closed.

3. TikTok… maybe not for the reason you may think. YES! I do spend far too much of my time on TikTok but I am specifically thankful for the Livestream from Elijah Lamb that I came across while on the app yesterday.

I am not even sure how I want to start this post today. It has been over a year since I last wrote one of these and obviously… I lot has happened. *cough* a worldwide pandemic *cough* But, this post is not going to be about that.

Somewhere along the way of “sharing my love for Jesus and his love for you” every Sunday it became more of a burden than it was a joy. And I hated that. I still hate it! I should not feel burdened by sharing my love for Jesus!!! I should want to shout it from the rooftops every single day!! But.. unfortunately.. that was not the case. Often I put off writing the mini devotion until 10 minutes to midnight and barely managed to have them posted on Sunday.

So I stopped. Abruptly. October 6th, 2019 was my last blog post.

And now here I am… a freshman in college at a big university... no longer in my bubble… no longer hearing God’s Word every single day. And I miss it!!! I miss it soooooo much! More than I ever would have thought.

I said I was thankful for Zoom and I am! Because tonight we got to go through a study of the short book of Philemon. 25 verses of the Bible that I do not believe I have EVER read. And as we sat there… and the time kept creeping on… I found myself wanting to ask to wrap it up. I was not even willing to sit there for an hour listening to God’s Word because I thought that I had better things to do.

Whoa…

That’s a heavy one for me to admit. I believed that other things were so much more important that I could not give a measly hour to my God. An hour? AN HOUR?! I sit on a stupid app on my phone for waayyyy longer than that every single day and I was not even willing to sit for an hour to listen and learn.

I believe that my faith was the strongest it has and had ever been when I started sharing these blog posts. And right now I just feel so lost.

Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost”

Psalms 119:176 “I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.”

Yesterday, while I was on TikTok (the app that I spend way more than an hour on) I came across the live stream of a boy I follow named Elijah Lamb. I was curious so I clicked to join. It was a bible study. And I know I joined near the end but it made me feel SO GOOD. He just spoke with so much passion for the Word and had such a strong and intoxicating love for the Lord. And I sat there in awe up until the end when he prayed. And he prayed so fiercely and so confidently.

He prayed with confidence that I do not have, he spoke with a passion that I do not have. I do not love the Lord with my whole heart because I allow other things to take his place. I do not live every single day for the Lord because I think I have more important things to do.

Yet he still loves me. WITH HIS ENTIRE BEING. It’s a love that I do not deserve and will never deserve. It’s a love that moves me to tears.

No, I do not love the Lord with my whole heart… but I want to. No, I do not live every single day for the Lord… but I want to. No, I do not have as strong of a passion as I share my love for the Lord… but I want to. No, I do not have as much confidence as I pray to the Lord… BUT I WANT TO.

I’m working on it.

Currently, I have three different devotion books sitting in front of me that have barely been touched. I have such a longing and a desire to read them but they often fall second place to other things….

I’m working on it.

I haven’t posted on here since October 6th and even now am unsure of how often I will post.

I’m working on it.

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank you, for letting me work on it. Thank you for showering me with your endless love that I know I have done nothing to deserve. Thank you for helping me navigate my way through a new school that you are not present in the curriculum but I know you are still present in my heart. Thank you for watching over me as I seek to regain my passion for you. Thank you for listening to me always even if my prayers are not as confident or as often as they should be. Thank you for showing me the right things at the right time to lead me back to you. THANK YOU for everything that you do. Help me, Lord, in my journey of seeking and living every single day for you.

In your name, I pray, Amen.

Thank you all for reading and sharing in my journey!

Hopefully, there will be another post soon.

But, until then, here is the link for Elijah’s bible study: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tik-tok-bible-study/id1528410440

And a song to listen to!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W52g2kyI8gQ

Sharing my love for Jesus and his love for you! :)

Annika Bilitz